Library Listening

I came across a document I created almost two years ago while doing research at the library. A group of three teenage girls came into the area where I was working and I typed up the overheard conversation, unbeknownst to them. Reading over it again, I realize I should do this more often. The tone of their chatter and their personalities and viewpoints were so clear, so natural. I loved it.

I've changed some personal information for the sake of anonymity, and instead of labeling the dialogue Girl#1, Girl#2, Girl#3 I've taken the liberty of giving them names.

---

Ashley- (looking at a fashion magazine) How long until Joe gets home?

Becca- Thirty minutes maybe.

Ashley- Okay.

Becca- So tonight it’s you and Joe and Charlie and me?

Ashley- I think.

Becca- What?!

Ashley- Well Isabel told me today that there is a girl in second period who likes Joe.

Becca- But he doesn’t like her back…

(Silence)

Becca- …Right?

(silence)

Becca- Let’s hope.

Ashley- …and he likes her back. So she was going to call him and ask him out.

(silence)

Tara- Oo, I like those shoes.

Becca- I like the way she dresses.

Ashley- Yeah.

Becca- I don’t even like Joe anymore. I went to karate the other day and he didn’t even notice anything was wrong with me. I mean, look at this. And I was limping by them, like this. Limping! And he asked what’s wrong with your shoe?

(silence)

Tara- Joe is difficult.

Ashley- Joe is difficult.

Becca- Joe is confusing and flirtatious.

(silence)

Becca- Charlie takes so long to text.

Ashley- So do you.

Becca- It’s not my fault you text fast

Ashley- It ain’t my fault if you text slow. And I don’t even have a full keypad.

Becca- I don’t have a full keypad either. Look.

(silence)

Tara- I’m re-doing my room.

Ashley- You are? Cool. I rearranged mine.

Tara- Look at that book.

Ashley- Go get it.

Becca- I read those in like elementary school

Ashley- I like the moral of the story.

Becca- Look at this text I just got. I don’t even know who sent it to me.

Ashley- What does it say?

(grabs phone)

Ashley- If you send this to 15 people you will get $100. If you send this to 25 people you will get $200.

Tara- Those things don’t work.

Ashley- Of course not, if it did the whole world would be happy.

Becca- Please promise me that if you can’t go out with Charlie you won’t go out with Joe.

Ashley- I won’t.

Becca- Then why do you want his phone number?

Ashley- Because I like to text people.

Tara- You are going to have to tell me about this whole Joe/Charlie thing.

Becca- Charlie is a new guy from Arizona who she likes and I do too. And I went out with Joe earlier in the year…

Ashley- But she broke up with him

Becca- … because he was a total flirt with everyone.

Ashley- And the weird thing is that he totally kept to himself when he was single but whenever he was with someone he flirts.

Becca- Yeah he’s all loud and saying “Hey, what’s up!”

Ashley- And smacking their butts!

---

... now, with drama like that, don't you wish I'd gotten more??

If you are going to attempt this, the key is to remain as invisible as possible. Avoid eye contact and do not, I repeat, do not react to anything they say to each other, or your cover will be blown. They will feel your intrusion on the conversation and it will lose its natural ring.

Happy dialogue stalking!

45 days of Pen on Fire

Inspired by the chapter "create a written snapshot" from Barbara DeMarco-Barrett's Pen on Fire.

Chapter Take-Away: How can I verbally evoke emotion while describing the mundane? Connect with a memory where I encountered similar feelings to that which my character is experiencing and extract empathetic details for the reader to latch onto as well.

Most of my friends "create a written snapshot" every time they post a Facebook Status, which is a great exercise at being vivid with imagery while adhering to an economy of words.

Who doesn't recognize the cuteness factor of a two year old pointing to a picture of Shamu (Sea World's famous killer whale, or orca) and calling it a "cow mermaid"?

Who doesn't understand what a three year old means when he says he feels "like a burned up french fry and a dead fish" right before throwing up?

Who wouldn't crack up at a four year old boy running through the house naked, yelling, "Michelangelo! Michelangelo! Michelangelo!"?
OR
Being torn between a laugh and a sympathetic whimper when a woman is afraid she has somehow become invisible because of the way people look past her and one of her friends sets a picture of a blank wall on his cellphone to display when she calls.

***

Now there are also ways of drawing a word picture by forming correlations with the things around a character. When my character Dannen is contemplating being sent away while laying on his back in an open field behind his grandpa's house, he finds a parallel between his situation and the clouds above him:

' Wide blue sky and pale wisps of cloud swept above him. These clouds weren't quite as impressive as the billowing pillar to the east, still visible, still unchanged. But he could relate to these-- disconnected, blown about by the wind.
Soon they'd be gone too. '

TRY YOUR HAND: Write a scene about a character standing outside a building.
Where are they? Insert sensory details: sight, sound, smell, touch...
Why are they there?
Now what is the character struggling with internally?
Is he trying to talk himself into going in? What is preventing him?
Is she trying to convince herself to walk away? What is she tempted to do in there?
Or has he just left and he's afraid of the consequences of what just transpired?
How can your past experiences add richness and authenticity to the scene?

Book Opener

Here is my current first paragraph from my manuscript:



A winged figure perched on the roof of a convenience store. He set his eyes on a door at the far end of the dusty town square. When laughter erupted from a swarm of kids just under the eaves, his gaze remained steadfast.



AS A READER: Does this make you want to read further? What story questions does it bring up?

TRY YOUR HAND AT WRITING: With this as a starting point, how would you have continued? (Share your hypothetical paragraph in a comment for others to see.)